The Other End of Customer Service

I don’t like adulting. At all. When you’re an adult, everything that should be simple is somehow twisted into a labyrinthine marathon where, even if you get to the finish line, you still manage to lose.

Recently, my credit card expired, and I was sent a new one. I activated it like normal and went on my way. Today I go to use it and it was declined. No big deal, I thought maybe I hadn’t activated it properly. I went home and called the customer service line. The conversation goes like this:

Customer Service Rep: So how can I help you today?

Me: I tried to use my card today, and it was declined. I was just calling to make sure everything was okay. Was there some suspicious activity on the card?

Rep: Well, it looks like your card was declined because you haven’t paid your bill.

Me: Wait, what?

Rep: Yes. You haven’t paid us since January, so you cannot use your card.

Me: Wait a second. I sent in my February payment already. It’s cleared.

Rep: Well, it sounds like you should call your bank then. We haven’t received payment.

Me: I send the payments to you, not my bank. May I talk to someone in your accounting department?

Rep: You should talk to your bank. We haven’t received payment.

Me: But you cashed my check. I sent you a check.

Rep: How did you make your payment?

Me: …

Me: I wrote a check.

Rep: Ah, well, you see. You have to wait seven to ten days for payment to be processed in our system.

Me: I understand that the payment has to be processed. I also understand that you cashed my check.

Rep: Maybe you should call your bank and see what they can do.

Me: …

Me: What can my bank do? I wrote the check to you. You cashed it. My bank isn’t going to be able to help me with that.

Rep: I am sorry for the inconvenience. Is there anything else I can help you with?

Me: Is there someone else I can talk to?

Rep: Is there anything else I can help you with?

Me: …

Me: Apparently not?

This was followed by a literal minute of awkward silence as each of us waited for the other to hang up.

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a Monty Python sketch. Only 104% less funny.