TT: Of Low Standards

“Corporate America doesn’t give a damn about you. It does not care about your feelings. It wants productivity, and whoever doesn’t produce is going to be pushed out, and the way is going to be paved for somebody else to step into your shoes who can do the job.”

Stephen A. Smith

Last Monday I was at work for about two hours. I didn’t feel well, but not in a COVID or a feverish, possibly contagious way. This is a normal thing for me—I have various physical and mental health issues I battle, and usually they manifest by making me feel under the weather 90% of the time. But once I got to work, a migraine started brewing, and it wouldn’t stop. It kept building and building, until I felt like vomiting and every word spoke to me was the approximate volume of your average rock concert.

What did I do to alleviate my pain? Nothing. I can’t take OTC pain meds, so I’ve gotten used to just suffering through my, well, suffering. It wasn’t until my new supervisor asked me if I was okay that I realized how off my game I was. She was understanding, and told me that if I decided to leave, to just let her know so she could scrape together some coverage.

And that’s when I realized I could go home. I could cocoon myself in soft blankets on my squashy bed and just rest until my head felt better. I didn’t have to push my way through it. I didn’t have to let it build all the work day only to go home and be completely incapacitated all evening. I could take care of myself and give my body what it needed.

I actually had to debate with myself whether or not to take a sick day.  Did I want to take the chance of needing this sick day later? Would my coworkers resent me for it? Would this be held against me in an unofficial-yet-tangible way in the near future? Was relief worth it?

This is how low my standards have been reset after a decade plus in the retail machine. This is how people get cut into pieces when abused in their workplaces, being perpetually forced to choose a thankless, tireless job over their health because of paltry needs like shelter and food. Make no mistake: in the realm of retail and food service, being fired for being sick was a real possibility. Of course, your benevolent corporate overlords would never admit to firing you because of taking hard-earned sick days, but wouldn’t have a problem terminating you for any minor infraction they could label “insubordination.”

In the end, I went home. I apologized for cutting them short (because unlearning this problematic behavior is apparently going to be a process for me), and even though my absence was inconvenient, not a single person said anything other than “Feel better.” I have three layers of management I deal with every day, and for the first time I can remember, I didn’t get one stink eye as I hobbled out to my car.  I made it home and got to nestle into a soft bed in a dark room and just lie there until I felt well enough to get up. The experience did wonders for my head but also my spirit. I reclaimed a piece of my humanity that I thought had burnt away.

My current company isn’t perfect, and I’m not pretending they are. But it’s a nice change of pace to be able to be human, to take something as simple as a sick day, without feeling being made to feel guilty, as if the entire weight of the company rested on your shoulders, and  you were utterly failing it and everyone you knew if you decided to be sick. 

Here’s to higher standards.

“America’s corporations are a spiritual slum, and their arrogance is the major threat to our future as a free society.”

Saul Alinsky