3 Things You Should Say Freely (and 3 You Should Only Say When You Mean It)
It’s strange that in this age of easy communication, in some ways we’re more disconnected than ever before. Smoke signals, carrier pidgeons, telegrams: these pale in comparision to phones, email, texts, and video chats. Yet with all these instant methods to reach out and understand our fellow humans, we still drown in misunderstanding. What and how we speak misaligns. Messages are murky.
So here are three things that I recommend you empower yourself to say freely and frequently.
I’m Sorry
Don’t be afraid to apologize when you’re in the wrong, or if you’re mistaken. None of us are perfect, and not apologizing when you’ve legitimately done harm (intentional or not!) only puts strain on a relationship, friendship, etc.
Hurt someone’s feelings? Knock your mother’s great-great-great grandmother’s favorite vase into the floor? Act a fool at your favorite cousin’s wedding? Say your sorry without reservation. Pride is an ugly monster that leads to a life of loneliness, bitterness, and cavities.
I Love You
Life is short, so let your people know how you feel. Whether you feel romantic or plutonic love for a person, tell them. Make it normal to say “I love you” to your friends. Our current culture of cookie-cutter romance or sexual overdrive, with absolutely nothing in between, skews our views on love. You don’t have to have a foot-popping kiss with your bestie who just took off her glasses ™ just to let someone know you love them.
Who knows how long I’ve loved you? You know I always will.
“I Will” (The Beatles)
Thank You
We’ve established pride is a bad thing. It goes beforeeth a fall, afterall. So when someone does something for you, thank them. Show your thankfulness if you can’t say it. Acta non verba, my friends.
You kept me warm / Thank you, thank you
“Thank You” (Glen Phillips)
I believe in my heart you shouldn’t be afraid of saying these three so-very-important things. But you were also promised three things to say only when you mean it, so here goes.
I’m Sorry
“Baby I’m sorry / (I’m not sorry)”
“Sorry (Not Sorry),” Demi Lovato
Being in customer service for 13+ years, I cannot tell you how often I have had to apologize profusely for something that was clearly beyond any sphere of my control. It makes me feel so fake. Or when a coworker or family member tosses a listless “sorry” when they are clearly unrepentant. Or when you’re sturggling with mental health issues and constantly apologize because you feel like a burden to your friends.
Don’t let sorry lose its meaning. Let it retain that quiet power. That way, when you expxress your condolences with an “I’m so sorry,” you mean it.
This comes with a caveat that I’m referring to real apologies made for errors that you yourself are responsible for, not manufactured customer service apologies because said customer doesn’t understand why you won’t accept a coupon that expired in 2006, or why their account has to be paid up before you can turn their service back on.
I Love You
People throw around “love” so carelessly that sometimes the word becomes utterly meaningless. I know how you can be passionate about the little things but do you really love that coworker, or do you appreciate her well-timed, punny joke?
“I’m bad at love / But you can’t blame me for trying”
“Bad at Love” (Halsey)
Thank You
Bet you didn’t see this one coming, did you?
The customer service caveat applies to thank you as well. Just because some corporate bozo forces you to thank the mother who just let her kid puke all over your new clothing display for coming in doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let your real gratitude shine.
The ultimate takeaway here is that language is important. It is powerful. It matters. It builds and destroys. Use your powers for good.
